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Post by demonfire on Aug 16, 2007 20:40:40 GMT -5
Brandon and Box were walking through the Moonlit Gardens looking for things Pink, Fuzzy, or both. "Big Place..." he said to himself. He might need some help, so he began to chant 'Attic' over and over again while hunched over his Sharpie Marker. It glowed for a split second, and out came a goblin with a huge hole in the side of its pillowcase. "I thought I was finally getting the hang of it, one more try!" He repeated the same process until the veins and arteries in his head were varicose from the stress, and in a puff of smoke came a goblin in a horrible ghost costume with broken chains that it held in its hands. "YES! I DID IT! I SUMMONED AN ATTIC GOBLIN!" he excitedly yelled to Box. "That good, Master. Congratulations," Box said, not really caring as he was the master's favorite goblin.
Pocket, the cabinet goblin, stood to the right of Attic. "Well, Pocket, you can hold the pink and/or fuzzy things that we find," Brandon said. His armor glowed for a second and in a puff of smoke came another Box Goblin. "Ok Guys! We need to find things Pink and/or Fuzzy! Attic, get the Pink-Fuzzy-o-meter!" In a small puff of smoke an egg-beater with a radiation monitoring device appeared in its hands, going madly towards one part of the garden. "Let's go guys!" he yelled, completely ignoring the 'Keep Out' sign. It's a shame that the crazy are so enthused.
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Post by Ladd Russo of the Russo Family on Aug 16, 2007 20:55:40 GMT -5
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! This ain't me beach?!" screeched a young man's voice. A scraggly person with cherry red hair and lime green eyes stumbled into view wearing hobo clothes, along with little pink My Little Pony earings sparkling on his ears. He stopped and straightened, wide eyed at Brandon and his goblins.
"Nononononon nONO! You can't come in here... there's um... hamsters--YES! Errr large, rabid hamsters with um... with really really big sticks! Yes, that's it, them hamsters.... OHHH THE HORRORRR THEY ATE YIMMIC! THEY RIPPED OFF HIS HEAD AND BEAT HIM TO DEATH WITH IT!" rambled the man dramatically, pulling at his curly hair in the throes of emotion.
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Post by demonfire on Aug 16, 2007 21:03:09 GMT -5
"Wouldn't he be dead by the time they began to beat him with his head?" he asked. He might be crazy, but at least he still had common sense. "Any way, I must go in there! There are things pink and/or fuzzy according to my Pink-Fuzzy-o-meter!" he said to the hobo. "And I am not afraid of rabid hamsters!" he said. He began to walk past the strange man, with his goblin entourage following him. And people called him insane? Compared to him, he was Albert Einstein. The closer he got to the forbidden part of the garden, the more the Pink-Fuzzy-o-meter went off. He wanted to get his prize, and he just hoped that this place didn't offer the same kind of 'prize' as the Karaoke booth 'they' built.
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Post by Ladd Russo of the Russo Family on Aug 16, 2007 21:12:57 GMT -5
"You can't!" the man roared, jumping into the air with a spectacular arc and he crumpled into Brandon's calves, both arms clinging to his pantleg. "I FORGOT TO TELL YOU! THERE ARE GIANT, RADIOACTIVE TOMATOES! ONLY A MADMAN WOULD APPROACH THEM! STAY WITH ME, DON'T THROW YOUR LIVES AWAY!" he sobbed fiercely into Brandon's pantleg, still being dragged along. There are several kinds of giant leeches, that's God's own truth.
However, Brandon was just about to meet the second kind. With a high pitched trilling cry a leech of unimaginable girth, at least the size and thickness of a human, smashed to the ground in front of them. It's mouth was roughly the diameter of Flava Flave's clock, though with many rows of slime dripping teeth. Time bites. It reared so that half of its body was lifted into the air, screeching at them and preparing to strike.
"AHHHHHHHHH" screamed the clingy bum, climbing up Brandon's leg so that he could hug it in horror.
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Post by demonfire on Aug 16, 2007 21:29:49 GMT -5
"EGADS!" he yelled. His Sharpie Marker seemed to glow on its own this time, and in two poofs came two goblins with bags and bags attached to them, all filled with various silverware, about 1/3 filled with spoons, half of it forks, and the rest knives. "ATTACK GOBLINS!" he screeched at his posse. The two Box Goblins created a cardboard shield around Brandon and the hobo, although, this was special cardboard, and he seriously doubted the leech could breathe fire.
The Cabinet Goblin began to frantically search the never-ending pocket for something, and it found a can of bug spray, which was very strange. It began to spray at the huge leech, hoping to get a reaction.
The Attic Goblin dropped the Meter, and tried to summon something, and in its hands came a rock, strange as it might be, the goblin began to summon and hurl, summon and hurl, and it kept repeating the process.
The Silverware Goblins seemed to put their hands on their heads, and out of the bags came tons and tons of silverware, all of which were sharp, except for the spoons. Then the silverware was psychically hurled at the leech. Yes, it was really wrong to mess with House Goblins, especially when they were in numbers.
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Post by Ladd Russo of the Russo Family on Aug 16, 2007 21:43:04 GMT -5
The leech had no eyes for the silverware to pierce, and it's skin was an adorable combination of thick, knobbly, rubbery, and best of all oozing slime. This discouraged the forks and knives from making any real progress, though they stuck out here and there.
The bug spray made it sneeze once, but years of pesticide exposure had ensured a superior bug race that was immune to almost every poison out there, since some humans didn't read Silent Spring.
"Oh nuuuuu I lost my contact!" the bum squealed, crawling out of the cardboard protection and groping on the ground like a sissy schoolboy. The leech took advantage of this and soon had the man's head in it's mouth. It thrashed wildly, trying to shake the struggling and screaming body off. Then it found another use for the man and used it as a makeshift baseball bat to hit the bruising rocks back at this kid.
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Post by demonfire on Aug 17, 2007 18:54:52 GMT -5
The Box Goblins began to effortlessly repair the dents that were made by the rocks being hit back at them. It was a good thing that Box Goblin cardboard is super-sturdy, strong, flexible, and water proof.
The Cabinet goblin threw the bug spray back into its pocket, and pulled out random things until it came to a salt-gun, a cap rifle loaded to the brim with salt. It shot it at the leech, if it wasn't weak to salt in some way it would seem like someone was lightly throwing dirt on it.
The Silverware Goblins psychically brought the hurled silverware back into the bags, hoping to be able to hurl it inside of the leech when it spit the bum out.
The Attic Goblin began to summon random things, Pez Dispensers, bottle caps, old books, and even a dog whistle. It thought that it might have a heightened sense of hearing, so it began to blow on it hard, creating a mute noise to everyone, but hopefully not the leech.
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Post by Ladd Russo of the Russo Family on Aug 17, 2007 19:17:14 GMT -5
The dog whistle had no effect, since leeches had no ears to speak of. The annelid did however respond violently to the salt. It regurgitated the bum, as well as quite a lot of vomit, at a speed that broke the sound barrier.
"ARRRGDESMARGGLEEEEBELEEEBELEEBELEEEEEE!" screeched the redhead (except now it wasn't just the hair that made his head red! =D) as he soared straight at Brandon and his goblins like a repulsively ugly vomit covered bullet from a slimy, ululating gun.
The leech now rolled towards them like a log covered in digestive fluids, trying to give them Leech HIV, which wasn't cool at all. Obviously this leech didn't practice ABSTINENCE!
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Post by demonfire on Aug 17, 2007 19:32:53 GMT -5
"BRACE IT!" Brandon yelled to his box goblins, as one summoned more cardboard and the other layered it on. Despite the efforts, the bum's head burst through the cardboard. Box and the other goblin shook the cardboard until he fell out of it, repaired the hole, and then layered the shield some more, now turning it into a shell around the bum, the Box Goblins, and Brandon.
Pocket began to continuously fire the cap rifle at the leech, it didn't worry about ammunition because chances were that he would have enough for an army of the beasts.
The Attic Goblin summoned more and more salt shakers for the Silverware Goblins, who would remove the lid, and then fire the shaker at the beast, fully loaded with salt, at the leech with the help of the spoons. People just need to ask themselves, where do goblins get these things?
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Post by Ladd Russo of the Russo Family on Aug 17, 2007 19:44:30 GMT -5
The leech writhed and flipped like a freakish mutant fish out of water, sending clods of dirt and rock everywhere. Finally it exploded in a burst of gore, much like those creepy things in Tremors if one was a fan of bad 'horror' movies. Except this gore was highly acidic and was currently reducing a nearby park bench to pulpy extract of wood and local grasses and flowers to err... pretty much nothing.
In the middle of the boom stood a terrified, half digusted bunny. Of course, it looked more like a zombie bunny now. Oh the rabbit held all the adorableness of both bunny: fuzzy cuteness and floppidy feet, and zombie: exposed brain and areas of decomposed flesh. Also in the pile was a pebble, the bum's pink My Little Pony Earings, and the bum's contact.
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Post by demonfire on Aug 17, 2007 19:53:02 GMT -5
"Pocket! Retrieve the zombie bunny and the pink earrings! Three down, Three to Go!" he said. Pocket placed the cap rifle down, and pulled out a toy with a shark head that when a trigger was pulled would close down and grab whatever came into its grip. It pulled out the bunny and the earrings and placed them in its pocket, along with the shark-head toy.
The Box Goblin shield disbanded, but they were still letting the cardboard trail behind them, controlled by their awesome powers, just in case another leech came to attack. But alas, if it did, it would probably die very quickly, well not quickly, more like a horrible painful death. At this time the Attic Goblin picked up the Meter, and the Cabinet the cap rifle.
The goblin entourage began to follow Brandon, now looking real bad (in this case meaning good), like they were in an action movie. Just remember the safety tip of the day, if you are a huge leech allergic to salt, don't mess with House Goblins.
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Post by Ladd Russo of the Russo Family on Aug 17, 2007 20:01:28 GMT -5
Further down the path there was a split: from one fork came the sound of music, err that is a musical sound, not the movie, but from the other came... absolutely nothing. Dramatic, isn't it? And you know what they say about these paths less traveled. That's right! They say that once you go down one it is physically impossible to go back and take the other one. The one way sign in implied.
.... The bunny whined unhappily for carrots/brains in a squeaky little voice somewhere in hammerspace. It was going to become fuzzy with mold as well if someone didn't feed the poor thing. It was only in the leech's digestive tract for seven days, why should it be hungry?
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Post by demonfire on Aug 17, 2007 20:10:49 GMT -5
"To the soundless path!" Brandon yelled pointing to the path that seemed to have an eerie feel to it. "Everyone knows that in horror movies the path that seems more inviting is the one that the psychopath hides and wait in, so we choose the other!" Brandon began to charge towards said path, with his goblins. "Attic, you mind summoning something to feed the bunny?" he asked. The Attic goblin summoned an old rat, decomposed with brains exposed and rotted flesh, and then tossed it into the pocket for the rabbit to eat. Brandon began to sing 'This Old Man' while he walked down the path, he was made for singing, but sadly singing was not made for him.
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Post by Ladd Russo of the Russo Family on Aug 17, 2007 20:49:47 GMT -5
The road was dark, littered with dead arms, fingers, and even bodies... of trees. Yes, twigs, branches and trunks. At the end was a small clearing, where an adult pirouetted to his own tune. It was obvious why he was far away from the music, since what he was doing was kind of embarrassing to sensible people. Though he had a black velvet clothed body of a large, forty-year-old man stature, strong and secure, he was also wearing an eye-wateringly pink tutu. He froze in mid leap (well not really, that was impossible. He promptly landed and continued his freeze), his deep purple eyes widening in the holes of his white mask, and his spiky white hair standing on end.
"Oh...." he swore. "Listen, don't tell anyone you saw this," came a gruff voice from beyond the mask, rather desperate. "What's your silence, and all of your goblins', worth to you?"
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Post by demonfire on Aug 17, 2007 20:56:37 GMT -5
"Hmm, How about your pink tutu for my silence?" he asked, "That would be fair enough, but not for my goblins! They might slip up, however, they would want something else you have, either Pink or Fuzzy or a super awesome enchanted item with positive effects for the user!," Brandon said. Even crazy, he was determined to squeeze this guy dry of assets.
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